Why Canada is Unlocking Its Vault of Rogers Golden Syrup


Ahh, Rogers Golden Syrup, aka liquid gold. In more ways than you imagined. It’s a little known fact that Canada keeps a reservoir of Rogers underneath the House of Commons. It’s Canada’s Fort Knox.

“We have MPs Candice Bergen and Ed Fast working in shifts to guard it,” said House speaker Anthony Rota. “We know it takes a Mennonite to truly understand the real value of our syrup supply.”

Others, however, have suggested that Bergen and Fast are not the ones to be guarding the Rogers supply.

“That’s about as safe as asking Ted Falk to guard the schmaunt fat,” said an NDP critic. “While you’re at it, you might as well put Justin Trudeau in charge of guarding the hash brownies.”

With syrup in high demand, Ottawa voted unanimously this week to let a small trickle of Golden Syrup into the general public.

“The only one who voted against it was Chris Warkentin,” said Rota. “But, I get it, he’s always been an advocate of prudent fiscal management of our golden syrup supply.”

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