SAN FRANCISCO, CA
Social media giant Twitter has hired a bunch of Amish to do what only Amish (and maybe a few Mennonites) can do: shun Trump.
“We haven’t done a shunning in a while, but, hey, we’re always willing to lend a hand when our country needs us,” said Mrs. Schwartzentruber. “My friend Sarah and I have been practising our disapproving stares for quite some time now and we’re ready to put them into good use.”
Amish folk will be bussed in to Washington or wherever the heck Trump decides to go after January 20 and will walk around and not say anything to him, not even send him a Christmas card. Nothing. Cold.
“Zum Mordsackerment! It’s been a long time since we’ve had a good old fashioned shunning,” said Schwartzentruber. “The last one was–when was it Sarah?–Mr. Stoltzfus back in summer for slacking off during the barn raising? Yeah, that must be it. Well, Trump’s done a lot worse than that.”
Trump is reportedly feeling really hurt by the Amish shunning and is hoping that Parler doesn’t have all its Mennonite users shun him also.