Trump Orders Farmer Sausage Plants to Stay Open


In an effort to make sure that Mennonites don’t starve, U.S. President Donald Trump issued an order Tuesday afternoon to make sure the nation’s farmer sausage supply is not hindered by the global pandemic.

“At times like this we need to come together and ensure we have a bounteous supply of formavorscht,” said Trump. “I don’t think there’s a single Mennonite in this country who can go more than two days without it.”

Despite opposition from the Dems, Trump has ordered all meat processors and butchers in the country to step up the production of farmer sausage.

“And schmaunt fat, too,” said Trump. “We’ve gotta have the schmaunt fat.”

Mrs. Janzen of Goessel, Kansas says she’s on her last ring of vorscht and is really starting to worry.

“I stand with the President on this one,” said Janzen. “Every nation has to have its priorities straight and I’m glad to see our President has sausage on the brain.”

However, the plan was met with some opposition from liberal-leaning members of the deli meat community.

“Come on, now, we all know in desperate times people resort to rolled up slices of processed ham,” said Mr. Fehr. “I say leave things as they lie and let the people come to us!”

In what has been praised as the wisest move of his presidency, Donald Trump did not back down and said he’d also invest ten billion dollars in the farmer sausage industry.

Liquor Stores See Huge Surge in Mennonite Customers
Mennonite Woman Gives Husband Stunning New Haircut