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voting

Mennonite Life

Menno Simons Votes from the Grave in US Election

November 26, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC In a last ditch attempt to keep his spot in the White House, outgoing President Donald Trump has claimed he found evidence that “all sorts of dead people from Conrad Grebel to Menno […]

The Outside World

Vote-By-Mail to be Replaced with the Mennonite Method: Vote-By-Name-Pulled-From-a-Hat

August 18, 2020 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After suggesting that mail-in voting would lead to voter fraud, President Trump is requesting that the 2020 Presidential Election be held the Mennonite way: throwing everyone’s name into Elder Friesen’s sweaty wide-brimmed black […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonite Couple Accidentally Cancel Out Each Other’s Vote

October 21, 2019 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB The Hieberts stopped by at the polls during their lunch break today intent on doubling the power of their votes by casting their ballots for the same candidate. “Normally we discuss this ahead […]

Church

Church Affiliation to be Included on New Steinbach Election Ballots

October 27, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB In an effort to reduce lineups and assist the voting process, a local group is petitioning Steinbach to include each candidate’s church affiliation on all future ballots. “It’s the most important information there […]

Mennonite Life

Electoral College Declares the West Side ‘Jantsied’

December 19, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Despite overwhelming popular vote suggesting that the East Side was Jantsied, the Mennonite electoral colleges have decided that the West Side of the Red River is officially ‘Jantsied.’ “Some will say it’s not very […]

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