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Church

Local Couple Finds Themselves Completely Alone in Church on May Long Weekend

May 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Fehrs walked into church this Sunday and found that there were the only couple in the entire congregation who didn’t go to Grand Forks for the weekend. “At first I was like, […]

Church

Mennonite Man Claims ‘Prophetic Gift’ After Predicting Rain this May Long Weekend

May 21, 2017 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local man Andrew R. Penner has declared himself a prophet of God after he accurately predicted there would be heavy rain this Victoria Day long weekend. “See, look, I told you so,” said […]

The Outside World

Queen Victoria to Tour Southeast Manitoba on Monday

May 21, 2016 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Ecstatic monarchists across the Southeast region are lining the streets in anticipation of Queen Victoria’s visit. Her Majesty, now nearly 200, is rumoured to arrive in Manitoba early Monday morning and will make stops […]

Mennonite Life

Local Satirist Spends Hours Indoors Writing Articles on First Warm May Long Weekend in Decades

May 21, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Completely missing the rare opportunity to have a rain-free May long weekend, pathetic local writer Andrew Unger spent hours indoors constructing satirical news items. “The weather’s beautiful, but I’ve got articles to write,” said Unger […]

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