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schmaunt fat

Food and Drink

Man Disguised as Mennonite Woman Smears Schmaunt Fat on Mona Lisa

May 31, 2022 Andrew

PARIS, FRANCE The world’s most famous painting was defiled this afternoon with a delicious white cream gravy known to Mennonites as “schmaunt fat.” “I don’t really think of it as defilement really,” said head of […]

Food and Drink

Man with Two Doses of Schmaunt Fat Forced to Mix it Up with Rhubarb Sauce

January 12, 2022 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Despite receiving two helpings of vereniki with schmaunt fat, local man Michael Wall, 41, was told all they had left was rhubarb sauce for his third go around this week. “They said they’re […]

Food and Drink

Demolished Winkler Tower Cripples City’s Schmaunt Fat Supply

November 23, 2021 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Just weeks after Winkler’s most famous landmark was demolished, the area’s schmaunt fat supply has all but dried up and residents are concerned they may have to resort to eating fruits and vegetables […]

Food and Drink

Mennonites Rush to Stock Up on ‘Reimermectin’

September 10, 2021 Andrew

PEADDSSTAUL, MB A new “miracle drug” called Reimermectin is flying off the shelves in southern Manitoba this week after rumours spread that it can cure all that ails you. “I’m not sure what’s in there, […]

Food and Drink

A Glossary of Mennonite Food

April 9, 2021 Andrew

Ever wondered waut de hunt is komst borscht or plumi moos? Well, you can wonder no more, because the Daily Bonnet has created this handy dictionary of popular Russian Mennonite dishes. Now you can go […]

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