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Church

The Daily Bonnet Asks: Can You Be Both Christian and Rich?

June 11, 2022 Andrew

It’s a slippery slope. First they said it was okay in the outside world. Then they said we should tolerate them. Now they’re trying to infiltrate our churches. That’s right. Rich people. Don’t get me […]

Church

Area Church Declared “Apostate” for Not Being Big Enough Jerks

June 3, 2022 Andrew

GRUENHIMMELSCHANTZ, SK One local church has come under intense scrutiny, as of late, for being “insufficiently jerkish” for the rest of the churches in the area. “They’re apostates. We can no longer fellowship with folks […]

Church

Deceased Members of “One True Church” Find Heaven Super Lonely

November 27, 2020 Andrew

HEAVEN Deceased members of a local congregation claiming to have “figured it all out once and for all back in 1973” have found Heaven super boring and lonely. “I’ve been up here since the summer […]

Church

Pourer Gets Dunked Just to Make Sure

June 1, 2020 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Local man Mr. Klassen has lived his whole life with deep-seated fears that his pouring baptism at the age of 19 just wasn’t good enough. “So, I’ve finally decided to get dunked,” said […]

Church

Church with 250 Members Splits into 250 Churches

January 2, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA After a particularly heated membership meeting this past week, the South Lancaster Mennonite Church has decided to split the entire congregation into more manageable units of one. “At first we decided to just […]

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