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The Outside World

Brian Pallister Sends Out Emergency Alert Warning Manitobans that He is Still Premier

May 23, 2021 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB On Friday afternoon, thousands of Manitobans were startled with an emergency alert on their phones warning them that Brian Pallister is still in charge of things around here. “Waut de schissjat is this […]

The Outside World

Vaccinated 40-Year-Old Suddenly Has Kick-Ass Cell Phone Coverage

April 21, 2021 Andrew

VITA, MB When local farmer Dale Krause signed up to get vaccinated this week, he had no idea of all the added benefits the shot would bring. “Suddenly I’m getting a full four bars even […]

Church

Mennonite Woman Accidentally Butt Dials the Whole Congregation

March 23, 2021 Andrew

ST. CATHARINES, ON After uncomfortably shifting in her wooden pew for a full hour during the sermon, Mrs. Esau accidentally butt dialed the pastor, the pastor’s wife, five elders, every member of the women’s quilting […]

Mennonite Life

Naive Manitoba Man Tries to Send a Text from Out by Sandilands Somewhere

September 6, 2020 Andrew

SANDILANDS, MB Local man Tim Giesbrecht, 41, was at the annual Giesbrecht wiener roast and horseshoes tournament at the ranger station in the Sandilands forest when he hauled out his phone between shots and attempted […]

Mennonite Life

Ten Extremely Menno Texts My Wife Has Sent Me (This is real!)

March 12, 2019 Andrew

Oba, so sometimes when you live in Steinbach you don’t even realized how Menno your life is. It all just seems normal until you stop and take a closer look. Take, for example, these texts […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Manitoba Builds New Confederation Bridge to Compete with the One in PEI
    April 26, 2022
  • Shocking Details Revealed in Margins of Mennonite Woman’s Cookbook
    October 9, 2018
  • Tragedy Befalls Mennonite Man After Not Liking and Sharing Anti-Trudeau Meme
    April 20, 2021
  • Patriots Release Tom Brady to Pursue CFL Opportunities
    January 7, 2020
  • Boats Full of “Persecuted Mennonite Refugees” Fleeing Trivial Nuisances in Canada
    July 25, 2021
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