The Daily Bonnet
  • Mennonite Life
  • Food and Drink
  • Church
  • The Outside World
  • About the Daily Bonnet

baptism

Church

Mennonite Supreme Court Rules Life Begins at Baptism

June 25, 2022 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The Mennonite Supreme Court in Zurich ruled 5-4 this weekend that “life begins at baptism around the age of 18 just before you get married.” “If you’re not a baptized member of the […]

Church

Mennonites Baptized in Low German Forced to Do it Over Again in High German

March 14, 2022 Andrew

HENDERSON, NE A bunch of Friesens will have be rebaptized this week after it was discovered that Pastor John had been using Plautdietsch when he should have been using High German. “Everyone knows the Bible […]

Church

Thousands of Catholics Forced to Become Anabaptists After Priest Says One Wrong Word

February 16, 2022 Andrew

PHOENIX, AZ Thousands of Roman Catholics who were incorrectly baptized by a local priest will have to be rebaptized pronto or risk eternal damnation. “For decades I said ‘we baptize you’ when I should have […]

Mennonite Life

10 Amazing Facts About Mennonites According to the 2021 Census

February 12, 2022 Andrew

Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and […]

The Outside World

Trump Becomes First Member of New Ana-Impeachment Sect

January 14, 2021 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC After going through the process a second time, President Trump has become the world’s first member of the radical Ana-Impeachment sect. “I was worried the first impeachment wouldn’t count,” said Trump. “After all, […]

Posts navigation

1 2 … 4 »
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram

Mannanite News Yet!

  • Mennonite Pastor Does ‘The Dab’ During Responsive Reading
    June 4, 2019
  • Mennonite Couple Saves a Fortune by Sharing Dish at Local Restaurant
    September 18, 2019
  • Is Pope Francis a Closet Mennonite?
    November 25, 2017
  • Trump Shares Highly Classified Information with Gossipy Mennonite Lady
    May 16, 2017
  • Mennonite Woman Reminds Husband, “Gravy is not a beverage.”
    September 26, 2021
July 2022
S M T W T F S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930
31  
« Jun    

 
YOUR TRUSTED SOURCE FOR MENNONITE SATIRE

Copyright © 2022 The Daily Bonnet - All Rights Reserved