Pierre Poilievre to Base Entire Canadian Economy on Crokinole Pieces

OTTAWA, ON

Conservative Party leadership candidate Pierre Poilievre announced this week that, if elected, all commerce and trade in the country would be based exclusively on the hottest new currency in the world right now: crokinole pieces.

“We’re going to move very quickly to the crokinole standard,” said Poilievre. “I’m really hoping Canada will be the kjnipsbrat capital of the world … if it isn’t already.”

Poilievre apparently got the idea after consulting with a number of Mennonite MPs, who bragged that getting into crokinole might pull Canada out of our record-setting debt.

“Look, the Forex market is in the dumps, and I think we’ve got enough Mennonites to flick us into the 21st century,” said Provencher MP Ted Falk. “Heck, I think Candice and I alone could kjnips enough twenties to get the job done.”

Abbotsford MP Ed Fast, however, cautioned against the idea.

“Have you looked at a crokinole kjnipser? It’s hardly propietary technology,” explained Fast. “Give me a wood lathe and a belt sander and I could churn out a set or two in my garage no problem.”

Nevertheless, Poilievre remained enthusiastic about the idea and challenged Jean Charest to a match at his earliest convenience.

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