Patrik Laine Considers Bringing Back ‘Lucky Mennonite Beard’ After Recent Slump


Young Finnish phenom Patrik Laine has been in a slump as of late and hockey experts are pointing to only one possible cause of his scoreless streak – shaving off his Menno beard.

“Okay, shaving that thing off was a huge mistake,” says Laine. “Starting today, I’m bringing back facial stylings of Menno Simons!”

While his beard at the moment is rather scant, Laine has consulted a hair-growth expert who will assist him in getting his beard back into Menno shape.

“I’ve been working out hard with this trachtmoaka from Hochstadt who’s been rubbing my face with tomato juice,” said Laine. “He claims I’ll have a full Mennonite beard within a couple weeks.”

Once a beard is visible, experts believe his wicked shot will return and strike fear in the hearts of NHL goaltenders once again.

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