Novak Djokovic Deported to Southern Manitoba


Controversial tennis star Novak Djokovic was given a one-way ticket out of Australia this week and has selected a dairy farm south of Winkler as “the only place I really feel at home.”

“I’m not so keen on the suspenders and shit kicker boots,” said Djokovic, “and I’m going to have to brush up on my Plautdietsch, but when it comes to defying public health orders I think I’ll fit right in.”

Djokovic had also considered fleeing in exile to conservative Mennonite colonies in Paraguay or Brazil, but ultimately decided a shed church near Hofnungschanzenhimmelsfeld, Manitoba was the best fit for him.

“They’ve even got a ping pong table set up in the youth room out back,” said Djokovic. “I’m also hoping to be the world number one ranked Uno player by the end of the year.”

Djokovic was quickly signed up to teach Sunday school and has also been put on the Sunday morning sermon schedule, as he was considered the most theologically-trained individual the church had in their pulpit rotation.

(photo credit: Marianne Bevis/CC)

Mennonites Demand the Return of Prime Minister Stephen Harder
Mennonite Woman Orders Every Liquid on the Menu