PLUM COULEE, MB
A new fitness centre in Plum Coulee is offering Mennonites in the surrounding area the opportunity to literally laugh their asses off. The new weight-loss program brings in old Mennonite men who think they’re funnier than they actually are to tell jokes to all the folks at the gym.
“We’re really focusing on a Mennonite’s problem areas, which is often in the glutes,” said gym owner Alfrieda Janzen. “I know many a Mennonite who wants to look great in those skinny jeans. Well, here at the Plum Coulee Fitness Centre, we’re offering the most effective butt-forming exercise – laughing at cheesy Mennonite jokes.”
Participants are also asked to keep each other accountable and refrain from texting ‘LMAO’ unless they’re actually laughing and they’re actually seeing a noticeable decrease in the size of their posteriors as a result.
“Here at the Centre, you’ll feel the pounds drop right off,” said Janzen. “We’ll have you LMAOing so hard that within weeks you’ll be able to squeeze back into your the same pair of suspenders you wore on your wedding night.”
For an extra fee, Janzen also offers an special program for Mennonites who desire a little more intensive workout.
“For those of you who need that little extra something, we recommend you super-size to the LMFAO program,” said Janzen. “We’ll just be playing old recordings of Lenny Bruce and George Carlin.”
More than a dozen Plum Couleeites have already signed up for LMAO and the advanced LMFAO classes this fall.
(photo credit: Garry Knight/CC/modified)