New Crowd Limits Still Not Big Enough to Accommodate the Klassens


After very few new cases in the past week, the Manitoba government has decided to ease the limits on public gatherings. Starting Friday, Manitobans, other than the fertile Klassen family, will be allowed to gather in groups of up to twenty-five if they’re in the barn or fifty if they’re out on the yard knacking zoat at a safe distance from the zoat pile.

Diewel, looks like we’ll still not be able to have all the kids in the house at the same time,” said Mrs. Klassen. “Sure, we have a big family, but I blame Earl and his persistent need for a Sunday afternoon meddachschlop.”

Mrs. Klassen had to do some quick mental math to see if the new crowd limits would be adequate for her immediate family.

“Let’s see there’s Edward, Aganetha, Abe, Kjnels, Kjnels 2, Peter, Ruth, Ruthie and Ruth-Anne, Anne, Jack, Jake, Johan, Art, Menno, Klaas, Edna, Elizabeth, Mary, Sarah, Esther, Other Sarah, Helen, and little Katherine,” said Mrs. Klassen. “Plus, me and Earl and the one I’ve got in the oven! Oba nay! We still can’t gather in one place!”

Some of the Klassens have been staying with Mrs. Klassen’s “nearly childless sister Doris” who only had nine children of her own and so could accommodate a few more.

“This pandemic has been really difficult on us Klassens,” said Mrs. Klassen. “If it wasn’t for getting to skip church, it almost wouldn’t be worth the hassle.”

The Klassens are petitioning the provincial government to consider the plight of Manitoba’s Klassens before making any future re-opening decisions.

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