LANCASTER, PA
The congregation at Lancaster Mennonite Church is very pleased to announce that world famous Ms. Anna Baptist will be bringing the Word this Sunday.
“I’ve heard so much about this Anna Baptist. It’ll be great to finally hear her in person,” said Mrs. Landis. “It certainly will be a refreshing change from all the old men who’ve been spouting off for years around here.”
Rumours have it that Anna Baptist arrived by Conestoga wagon late last night and was spotted camping out at Long’s Park.
“She should have let me know! I would have let her sleep in our spare bedroom,” said Mrs. Landis. “I’d even feed her horses if she asked.”
According to the biography printed in the church bulletin, Anna Baptist was born in the early 16th century and has spent the last few centuries travelling the globe. According to the write-up, she has remained single longer than any Mennonite woman alive, having repeatedly turned down offers to become Mrs. Anna Lutheran or Mrs. A. Catholic.
“It’ll be great to finally have her at our meeting house,” said Mrs. Landis. “I hope I’m not disappointed. She better not be one of those dunkers!”
Our sources indicate she will be preaching on Matthew 5 through 7 and scolding the congregation for “just not getting it.”
