“Mock us, please!” Pennsylvania Mennonites Demand Equal Treatment by the Daily Bonnet


Thousands of Pennsylvania Mennonites petitioned the Daily Bonnet this week to be “more inclusive” of their particular idiosyncrasies that they claim are just ripe for mockery.

“That website is far too Canadian!” yelled Mr. Reimer of Lancaster. “Plus, when the Daily Bonnet guy does write about us, he always gets our last names wrong!”

Mr. Reimer and Klassen, two fine upstanding members of the Pennsylvania Dutch community, claim that their culture is chock-a-block full of stuff to mock.

“Hex signs. Conestoga wagons. Folk magic,” said Mr. Reimer. “We even have beards without moustaches. If that Andrew Unger can’t find a joke in there somewhere, I really question his satirical abilities.”

Mr. Klassen’s family has lived in Pennsylvania since the late 1600s and said it was about time somebody satirized them.

“We’ve got more comedic material here than you can shake a stick at,” said Klassen, although he clarified that stick-shaking was against his religion. “We even named a town Intercourse. We’re basically writing the jokes for you.”

After getting the surnames all wrong yet again, the Daily Bonnet was inundated with emails from angry Stoltzfuses and Beilers, who also pointed out that the website had, yet again, used a picture of Amish and mislabeled it Mennonite.

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