Lois Redekop, 51, has been spending a couple hours each day in recent weeks walking on eggshells in anticipation of a whole bunch of really awkward family gatherings coming up later this month.
“I’ve gotta master this technique by the end of the month,” said Redekop, yoke oozing from her toes. “I mean, other years it’s pretty bad, too, but I figured if I’m going to survive this holiday season, I’m going to have to beef up my skills.”
Redekop says that learning to navigate your way through a carton of eggs is an essential skill at Mennonite family gatherings, as one false move and you’re going to have a real mess on your hands (or feet).
“It isn’t easy. I mean, even the most casual mention of masks or Justin Trudeau or whatever and there’s bound to be a massive eruption,” said Redekop. “And this year the eggshells are particularly fragile.”
In addition to working on her eggshell-walking skills, Redekop is also practicing tiptoeing, biting her tongue, and walking a tightrope for extended periods of time.
“I can also diffuse a bomb in under thirty seconds,” said Redekop. “You can’t go to a Mennonite family gathering during a pandemic without that skill.”