Mennonite Woman Denies Rumour that She and Corny are “More than Just Cousins”


After Mary Toews and her cousin Corny were seen spending an awful lot of time together at the church faspa on Sunday, rumours are starting to spread that they are “more than just cousins.”

“Have you seen them together?” said Mrs. Wiebe. “They make such a cute couple. She laughs at all his jokes. Mary can say they’re just cousins all she wants, but no one believes it.”

However, that is precisely Mary’s story.

“I don’t know how many times I have to say it, Corny and I are cousins and that’s it,” said Mary. “I see him as good cousin and nothing more.”

Absolutely no one believes this, however, and cite the fact that they spend way more time together than any cousins usually do.

“I know how Corny is. He’ll play along, say he’s fine with just being a cousin, but I know it’s eating him up inside,” said Corny’s good friend Johan. “Every Mennonite wants to move beyond the cousin stage eventually.”

Grandma Toews, however, says she isn’t pushing things and has no worries about the situation.

“It’s good that they’re cousins,” said Grandma. “The key to a lasting marriage is to find someone who’s a good husband and your very best cousin. That’s how it is with Abe and I and we’ve been together for almost sixty years!”

Toews, however, says she doesn’t want to hurt Corny’s feelings, but she’s always just seen them as cousins and nothing more.

“Why ruin a good cousinship?” she said.

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