Mennonite Woman All Out of Candy Already


Area woman Angie Neufeld, 38, was all out of candy at 5:30 PM this evening and has shut off her lights and gone to bed.

“Sorry, kids, better try next door at the Klassens,” said Neufeld, blowing out the candle in the front porch jack-o’-lantern. “Rut met die. Be gone! We’re all out of candy.”

Once word got out that the Neufelds were out of candy, the rumour mill around Mitchell really stared churning.

“Well I never! Out of candy? At this hour? It’s hardly even dark yet,” exclaimed Mrs. Reimer to Mrs. Groening. “I saw how many bags of fun sized treats she bought at the Co-op last week. I think she’s just too cheap to give it away.”

Mrs. Groening, however, had a slightly different theory about Mrs. Neufeld’s early evening candy shortage.

“Probably spent all day binging on those mini Reese cups,” said Groening. “I ate half a bag myself this afternoon.”

Alternate theories suggest Mrs. Neufeld had joined one of those churches that forbids Halloween.

“Oh come on, you can just call it a dress-up festival or harvest festival or whatever,” said Mrs. Groening. “That’s no excuse to deprive the good kids of Mitchell of all your delicious candy!”

Soon after the incident, an entire garbage bag full of candy wrappers were mysteriously discovered in Mrs. Neufeld’s trash bin. 

(photo credit: Alexa LaSpisa/CC)

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