Mennonite Man Thrills Wife with Fleeting Half-Assed Massage


Tim Driedger, 43, of Yarrow showed his appreciation for his lovely wife Susan this afternoon with a brief shoulder rub, while on his way to the couch.

“Happy Birthday,” said Tim, giving Susan’s shoulders a quick squeeze before heading for the PS4. “Ahh, it sure feels good to do something for Susan like this.”

The record-setting act of brief physical intimacy was quite the accomplishment and thankfully little Jessica was on hand to time the massage.

“Woah, Dad, you broke a new record,” said Jessica, stopwatch in hand. “A whole 3.4 seconds!”

Records indicate this is the longest massage ever given by a Mennonite husband to his wife, though most Mennonite wives claim that’s more than long enough as they can’t handle all the dry cracked calloused hands, and is twice as long as any Mennonite man lasts during meddachschlop

(photo credit: Erik Ogan/CC)

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