Mennonite Man Sits at End of Pew, Absolutely Refuses to Scooch Over


Mr. Ralph Ens of North Kildonan sat himself down at the end of the pew this past Sunday and was perfectly content to have each and every person climb over him to take their seats.

“I asked him to scooch over a bit, but he just glared at me and said there was plenty of room to get by,” said Mrs. Friesen. “But there wasn’t plenty of room…even when he tucked in his knees a bit.”

Although Mr. Ens’ refusal to scooch drew criticism from some church members, others praised him for his uncompromising stance.

“I’m glad to see it! Finally there’s a man willing to stand up for his rights!” exclaimed Elder Pankratz. “Scooching over is so emasculating!”

Whatever the case, Mr. Ens’ refusal to scooch left other parishioners with quite the quandary. Mrs. Loewen was baffled about the whole situation and contemplated her strategy.

“When I slide by him, should I face forwards or backwards?” wondered Mrs. Loewen. “Either way, this whole situation has got me more than a little worried.”

There has been some talk of adding more space between the pews, but the elders always vote against it, citing the tight quarters as “just one more thing that binds us together as a church community.”

(photo credit: Catholic Diocese of Saginaw/CC)

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