Mennonite Man Offers Barry Trotz ‘Free Farmer Sausage for Life’ to Coach Jets

WINNIPEG, MB

Local hockey fan Robert Sawatzky is so eager to get free agent head coach Barry Trotz signed on with the Winnipeg Jets that he’s willing to offer him ‘free farmer sausage for life.’

“Plus all you can eat knackzoat,” said Sawatzky. “I’d even throw in a freezer full of freshly-butchered¬†schinkjefleesch to sweeten the deal.”

So far Trotz has not yet indicated where he’s sign this year, but he’s been looking at all the offers.

“I think we can win him over. All Vegas is offering is overly warm weather and venereal disease,” said Sawatzky. “As tempting as that may be, I’m sure sway him with some delicious formaworscht.”

Trotz has also been offered free membership in the Mennonite church of his choice, with guarantees of no shunning or excommunication until at least 2025.

“This offer has no strings attached,” said Sawatzky. “We’ll take him no matter the condition of his baptism.”

Also on offer is 8 million a season and a jar of bread and butter pickles.

(photo credit: David/CC)

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