Mennonite Man Excommunicated After Washing Grandma’s Cast-Iron Skillet


Local man Albert Janz, 31, has been stripped off his church membership this week after committed the most heinous sin possible – washing a Mennonite Grandma’s cast-iron skillet.

“I was just helping out with the clean-up after faspa,” said Mr. Janz. “I thought I was doing the right thing. How was I supposed to know Oma Hoeppner had fifty years worth of grease built up on that thing?”

Oma Hoeppner’s ruehrei will “never taste the same” and Plum Coulee residents want to make sure that the message is loud and clear.

“You can clean the fine china; you can rinse out the Tupperware; you can even wash and reuse the margarine containers. But absolutely under no circumstances should you ever add soap and water to a Mennonite woman’s cast-iron skillet!”

Before it’s defilement by Mr. Janz, Mrs. Hoeppner’s skillet had a one-inch thick layer of jreewe on the surface that lent a flavour to all her dishes.

“I might as well give up cooking after this,” said Mrs. Hoeppner. “I guess I’ll be buying my roll kuchen in the store like the rest of these sad sad people.”

In an effort to get himself reinstated in the church, Mr. Janz promises to fry formavorscht on a brand new skillet every day, 24/7 until he’s built up an acceptable level of delicious filth.

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