Maclean’s Declares Ted Falk 1/64 of a Powerful Person

OTTAWA, ON

Maclean’s magazine just released their annual list of “most powerful” people in Canada and coming in at number #35, below Rachel Notley, “opposition leaders” and “parents at wit’s end” are all 64 Western Conservative MPS combined, including Provencher’s own back-bencher Ted Falk.

“It’s quite the honour to be a tiny fraction of a powerful person,” said Falk from the basement suite where he Zooms to the House of Commons every day. “It’s not often I make headlines, but when I do, I always take up 1.56% of the page!”

Upon learning he was 1/64 of a powerful person, Falk’s assistants eagerly explained it all to him in a language he would understand.

“Okay, so we’ve got an ice cream pail with 64 of Oma’s delicious cookies,” said the assistant. “If I take one out and eat it, how many ammonia cookies do I have left?”

Falk said he didn’t know, but it all sounded pretty darn delicious to him. He also said he normally doesn’t trust mainstream media, but in this case he would make an exception and loudly trumpet his fractional success wherever he could.

Mennonite Man Blows Entire MPI Cheque on Canadian Flags
A List of Prominent Mennonites on Leaked Convoy Donor List