Local Heart Surgeon Locates Jesus


A local surgeon has finally discovered the exact location of Jesus in the human heart. Just this past week, Dr. Penner opened up Mr. Klassen’s ticker and found Jesus.

“Scientists have been trying to find Jesus in the human heart for decades and I’ve finally done it,” said Dr. Penner. “He’s located between the aorta and left atrium. And to think, I had been looking for Jesus in the right ventricle this whole time!”

According to Dr. Penner’s research, when children ask “Jesus into their hearts” he immediately wedges himself right there near the mitral valve.

“I plan to publish my findings in the Adventures in Odyssey magazine,” said Dr. Penner. “It’s the closest thing to a peer-reviewed journal I could find.”

Dr. Penner says he’s done a few other open-heart surgeries and sometimes he finds nothing.

“Sometimes I open these people up and there’s nothing but blood and veins and stuff,” said Dr. Penner. “It’s really sad…and quite the mess.”

As for Mr. Klassen, Dr. Penner says he was able to get a coronary stent put in there, but says Mr. Klassen will have to re-ask Jesus into his heart once he fully recovers.

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