La Crete, Alberta Declared “Mennonite Capital of the North”


The small town of La Crete, Alberta has been officially declared the northern most Mennonite town in the world and thus becomes the capital city for all Mennonite towns north of the 58th parallel. La Crete is also the only Mennonite town north of the famous “Knack Zoat Line.”

“For obvious reason, Mennonites normally never settle north of the Knack Zoat Line. If you can’t grow knack zoat, it’s very hard for Mennonites to survive!” explained local historian Peter Krahn. “For centuries Mennonites have been heading south, from Prussia to south Russia, from Canada to Mexico…and then to Paraguay, but for some reason the Mennonites of La Crete decided to go in the opposite direction.”

Being so far north, the Mennos of La Crete are heartier and harder working than any of the “lazy knack zoat-relient fulens” down south, such as the ones found down in Linden or Taber or even Coaldale.

“Those southern Mennos have it so easy with their ample supply of zoat!” said Krahn. “Unless you’ve been through a La Crete winter you just haven’t lived!”

Unfortunately for La Cretens, their capital status may soon be threatened as a schism over in Tofield has meant a new wave of migration may be imminent.

“They’re thinking of setting up shop on Baffin Island,” said Krahn. “I wish them the best of luck, but I’m pretty sure they’ll be moving back to warmer climes of far north Alberta in no time!”

Meanwhile, the Mennonites of La Crete are content to important vanilla from Mexico, yerba from Paraguay, and sunflower seeds from southern Alberta.

(photo credit: fishhawk/CC)

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