Kitchener, Ontario to be Renamed Berlin


Eager to reclaim its past glory, the city of Kitchener, Ontario has decided to go back to calling itself Berlin.

“The only reason we changed that name in the first place was to promote some local kitchen cabinet manufacturers,” said local man Mr. Eby. “I mean, yeah, sure we do make good kitchen supplies around here but that’s not no reason to erase our history.”

Berlin residents will also be expected to eat a lot of schnitzel and speak German, or at the very least Low German from now on.

“It’s time to get with the times,” said Mr. Eby. “English is so 20th century.”

Neighbouring community of Waterloo, meanwhile, will retain its name, but plans to erect a giant statue of Napoleon Bonaparte just in front of the historic Brubacher House.

(photo credit: permute/CC)

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