FAIRFAX COUNTY, VA
Seven jurors have found actor Johnny Depp guilty of having, “like, way better lawyers than Amber Heard.” In a historic decision, the jury ruled that there was absolutely no evidence that “Amber Heard had as good lawyers as the ones Johnny Depp had.”
“We also found him guilty of being totally dreamy,” said juror number 606. “For me, the evidence was incontestable. Everyone knows Johnny Depp is a much bigger and more popular star than Amber Heard. And everyone knows he can afford better lawyers. That’s what the American legal system is all about, right?”
The jury also noted that Johnny Depp had much a better team of meme-creators.
“In the USA, everyone has the right to a fair trail,” said 606, “determined exclusively by an individual’s ability to create really dank memes and by a person’s STARmeter on IMDb!”
Fans across the globe expressed their pleasure at the verdict, saying they were totally fair and objective and weren’t at all cheering for Johnny the whole time.
(photo credit: Renegade98/CC)