Impossible to Tell if Bearded Friend is Mennonite or Just Really Into Craft Beer


When a bearded young man named David moved to Goshen from the country a few months ago, his physical appearance had friendly locals unsure whether to invite him to a Bible study or offer him a hazy IPA.

“I couldn’t figure it out at first,” said area resident Peter. “With a beard like that, the guy’s either some kind of Mennonite or just really really into craft beer. I knew no matter what I said I risked offending him so instead I just asked whether he’d like to go for coffee or whatever…”

A few weeks later the new friends were walking by Goshen Brewing Company where David was spotted on the sidewalk and immediately told he was late for work.

“They immediately put him to work, adding hops to the boil kettle and all that,” said Peter. “I’m surprised he even knew what they were asking him to do. As far as I knew, all he spoke was Pennsylvania Dutch.”

After proving himself at brewery for a few weeks, David got himself a nice white T-shirt and a couple tattoos.

“I’m still confused about David. He’s a hard conscientious worker with a thick beard,” said Peter, “but he rides to work every day on a fixie.”

To add to the confusion, David was also spotted this Sunday with his fixed-gear bicycle at the parking lot at East Goshen Mennonite.

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