Forecast Calls for Nothing but Fog this Autumn


Environment Canada is predicting fog to strike about 30 to 40 % of the adult population this season, unless you wear contacts or have one of those fancy face masks with the pinched nose.

“We see fog all across the country. Thick fog. Like Newfoundland, but worse,” said Canadian weather expert Alice Montgomery. “You’ll be lucky if you don’t hit at least a couple moose this year.”

Apparently the only way to combat this thick fog is to walk around without your glasses, in which case everyone will comment that you look much better with them on, or to have it hanging off your nose, which will get you a ten year prison sentence.

“I’ve tried the pinch-nose thing and it doesn’t work,” said Mrs. Thiessen of Edmonton. “All that does it make me talk like Donald Duck … and I’m still covered in fog.”

Some Canadians are taking it in stride and have even starting consuming something called a London Fog, which apparently helps get people through all this. Mennonites, however, have not yet been given the green light from their pastors to try the London Fog, although some are so desperate they’re doing it anyway.

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