Entire Package of Saltines Needed to Stomach Mrs. Epp’s Somma Borscht


Mr. Penner cruised through an entire package of Premium Plus crackers at the soup and pie fundraiser this week, all in a failed attempt to stomach Mrs. Epp’s dreadful somma borscht.

“I normally give in a whirl before throwing in the soda crackers,” said Mr. Penner, “but I knew right away this soup was going to need a little help.”

After dumping in some salt and pepper, Mr. Penner then proceeded to thicken it up a little with a few crackers, but soon found that two or three was not going to suffice.

“I was doing everything I could to change the flavour and texture of that soup,” said Mr. Penner. “I’m not sure what went wrong, but that somma borscht was not my favourite to say the least.”

In her defence, Mrs. Epp claims she confused tamarind for sorrel, which may have contributed to the odd taste.

“Whatever it was, that man sure used a lot of crackers,” said Mrs. Epp. “It’s a good thing I’ve been stealing them from restaurants for years.”

Despite using more than sixty crackers, Mr. Penner did not even make a dent in Mrs. Epp’s supply of saltines.

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