House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is attributing Donald Trump’s “morbid obesity” to a recent visit he took to Russian Mennonite country in Kansas, where he reportedly consumed three heaping bowls of komst borscht, fifteen vereniki, two rings of formavorscht and a half gallon of schmaunt fat.
“I’m being very sympathetic and just trying to use the official ‘doctory’ words,” said Pelosi. “If you eat that much Menno food in one sitting you’re bound to be ‘morbidly obese.'”
The President, however, claims he is a specimen of health and that Pelosi doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
“It’s fake news, folks. Fake news,” said the President. “Fifteen vereniki? Come on now! Everyone knows if you’re going to Mrs. Friesen’s for lunch, you’ll never get out of there with less than twenty cottage cheese perogies in your belly!”
The President spoke so highly of Mrs. Friesen’s cooking, that even arch nemesis Nancy Pelosi was planning a visit to get “morbidly obese” on Mennonite cooking.
“I normally don’t believe a word that man says, but this time he convinced me,” said Pelosi. “Off to Mrs. Friesen’s I go!”
Mrs. Friesen is also looking forward to serving Joe Biden sometime in the near future where she desperately hopes to get him in such bad health that he has no choice but to drop out of the race.
(photo credit: Gage Skidmore/CC)