Calgarians Vote Not to Host Massive $5 Billion Faspa


Calgary has spoken. They do not want to host the 2026 quadrennial winter Faspa. In a plebiscite this week, Calgary voted overwhelmingly in favour of just ordering in Chinese food on that Sunday in 2026, rather than spending billions on a giant faspa and inviting the whole world.

“It’s a lot of money and there was no guarantee we were going to get the 2026 winter Faspa anyway,” said Calgarian Crystel Baerg. “There were some pretty good bids coming in from Chihuahua City and Ascuncion, so let them have it.”

It’s been more than thirty years since Calgary hosted faspa and some locals were saying it was about darn time they do it again.

“It doesn’t have to be so expensive. We could re-use a lot of the same facilities from ’88. The MB Church basement is still in pretty good shape,” said Yes-voter Diane Krahn. “I don’t know why all these nay-sayers decided against it. Hosting faspa would be great for our city!”

Also in favour of the bid were local raisin bun and cheese curd-makers.

“It’s really too bad these Calgarians are so cheap,” said Mr. Fehr of Fehrly-Good Sausages and Buns. “We would have sold millions in rolled-up slices of processed ham!”

Others have blamed the No-vote on Mennonites from the other Prairie provinces, who are known for their frugality.

“We’ve had an influx of Wiebes from Altona over the past few years,” said Mrs. Krahn. “It’s no wonder we lost. They don’t want to spend money on nothing yet!”

The Wiebes from Altona, meanwhile, have decided to hole up for a while until all this blows over and people stop blaming them for “the grand faspa that could have been.”

Mennonite Man Starts Rival Donut Shop
Mennonite Church Approves 'Scandalous' New Hemline