Brian Pallister Sends Out Emergency Alert Warning Manitobans that He is Still Premier


On Friday afternoon, thousands of Manitobans were startled with an emergency alert on their phones warning them that Brian Pallister is still in charge of things around here.

Waut de schissjat is this yet?” muttered a visibly annoyed Dwayne Peters of Grunthal. “Brian Pallister is Premier? Tell me something I don’t already know!”

Manitobans were shocked to get the alert, though most were just annoyed to get that unexpected buzz in their pockets.

“I was right in the middle of snuggling with my Annie,” said Peters. “I only answered it because it was supposedly an emergency. I thought it was a tornado or something but it was only Brian Pallister again. Diewel!”

Some folks, however, took the emergency alert very seriously.

“Batten down the hatches, Martha! We’ve got a real storm a-coming. They’re saying it’s a Brian Pallister!” said Mr. Plett of Reinland. “I guess we’ll be hunkering down all weekend and playing crokinole. I hope we make it through this weekend in one piece!”

The federal government is also working on a new app to alert citizens whenever a Conservative MP wears a MAGA hat or a Liberal MP appears naked on Zoom.

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