Breaking! Pastor Dan’s Been Getting All His Insights from the Footnotes in His ‘Ryrie Study Bible’


Drone footage hovering above the pulpit this week has revealed that Pastor Dan’s been getting all this spiritual insights from the footnotes in his Ryrie Study Bible.

“I feel we’ve been duped. From the condition of that Bible, it looks like this has been going on for years,” said Mrs. Reimer. “I had always assumed Pastor Dan was coming up with that stuff himself, but apparently it’s been Charles Caldwell Ryrie all along!”

Pastor Dan claims he never reads below the lines, saying that only the text above the line in inspired.

“Well, that’s all fine and good, but it seems like he’s been drifting toward premillennial dispensationalism ever since he got that Study Bible,” said Reimer. “Diewel, I never thought we’d be hearing sermons from a Calvinist!”

Pastor Dan’s also been known for his hilarious anecdotes, but Mrs. Reimer is beginning to have her doubts about those, too.

“That drone footage has shattered my conception of the world,” said Mrs. Reimer. “Next thing you know, he’s going to admit to not even using his own sermon illustrations!”

Pastor Dan admits nothing, however, and says that the story he told last week about the two sets of footprints in the sand was 100% true and happened to him just last year on the banks of the Fraser River.

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