Area Woman Instantly Converts to Whatever Cult Aggressively Thrust This Pamphlet into Her Hand

WINKLER, MB

Area woman Doris Loewen, 43, is now a full-fledged member of the Church of Bountiful God (Perspiration) after a gospel tract was trust into her hands with such force that she had no choice but to sign up.

“I didn’t even read the pamphlet,” said Doris. “I knew by the aggressive thrusting that this was the right group for me. I wish my Dan would thrust like that.”

Doris says that theology and doctrine don’t really matter to her and she’s really just a sucker for being yelled at on the street corner.

“Tell me I’m going to Hell and toss leaflets in my face and I’m yours forever,” said Doris. “All my days I’ve been waiting for an aggressive evangelistic encounter and I finally found a cult that met my expectations.”

Doris says she’s now ready to discard her current wardrobe and accept whatever long black dress and head-covering the elders thrust in her direction.

(photo credit: Imagens Evangelicas/CC)

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