A List of Things American Mennonites Can Buy with their $600 Stimulus Checks

The check (sic) is in the mail! To ease the troubled financial situation that many Americans are facing these days, Senators and Members of Congress who make $174,000 a year have generously consented to sending $600 to everyone in the country. So what can you get for 600 bucks these days? Well, we took to the street to ask local Mennonites how they’re gong to spend their cash! (Please note that we’ve factored in a 10% tithe, so you really have just $540 to work with).

  • “I’m going to buy 12 copies of the new Voices Together hymnal (Large Print Edition). Some of the kids will have to share, but that’s all we can afford right now” – Diane Troyer, Lancaster, PA
  • “600 dollars? For that kind of money I can buy every single mismatched tea cup and saucer at the MCC Thrift Store!” – wishes to remain anonymous, Lebanon, OR
  • “What am I going to buy? Is that even a question? Pickled pig snouts from Dietrich’s Meats of course” – David Miller, Willow Street, PA
  • “Apparently you can buy authentic Mennonite dresses on Etsy¬†these days. For 600 bucks I think I can get about ten of them. Very authentic indeed,” – Sarah Penner, Goessel, KS
  • “I’m going to snatch up enough copies of Andrew Unger’s Once Removed to host a very large Zoom bookclub so we can sit around and scratch our heads at the mysterious world of the Canadian Mennonites” – Phyllis Eby, Intercourse, PA
  • “72 bottles of Welch’s non-alcoholic communion juice from the local Walmart,” – Pastor Dan, Omaha, NE
  • “I’m going to get my favourite horses (John the Revelator and Sir Conrad) re-shoed at Meck’s Ferrier Service,” – Uncle Peter, Elkhart, IN
  • “A roundtrip flight from Fresno, CA to Holmes County, Ohio to visit the relatives… Oh, who I am kidding? I’m getting a new cheap paint job on the old Buick,” – Dan Funk, Fresno, CA
  • “I’m donating it all to the re-election campaign for my local Senator,” – Billy Krahn, Seminole, TX
  • “I’m going to blow it all on one totally epic meal at Le Bernardin,” – Charlie Kraybill, New York City
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