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Month: October 2020

Mennonite Life

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines “Mandatory” as “Like Totally Optional, Whatever Man”

October 31, 2020 Andrew

BLUMENSTEIN, MB Webster’s Dictionary has just announced a list of wacky new words for 2020 including “permaculture”, “freegan”, “awesomesauce”, and “mandatory”, and defines the latter as “like totally optional, whatever man.” “We’re very pragmatic in […]

Mennonite Life

Mennonites Excited as Halloween is Cancelled this Year

October 31, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thousands of Mennonites across North America have been spared the trauma of having to witness like Timmy in a cowboy outfit or little Sarah all dressed up as Wonder Woman. “Halloween cancelled? Well, […]

Mennonite Life

Doctor Shortage Finally Solved as Thousands of Medical Experts Appear Online

October 30, 2020 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The doctor shortage in southern Manitoba has finally been solved as thousands of people in the area are now apparently fully-fledged medical experts. “We’ve seen a huge surge in medical expertise, not just […]

The Outside World

Productivity Way Down as Canadians Spend All Day Refreshing Test Results Page

October 29, 2020 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC A new study out of the University of Chilliwack has attributed the entirety of Canada’s economic downturn to the fact that Canadians are spending all every day refreshing their Covid test result screens. […]

Mennonite Life

GCers Feeling Left Out of ‘Restart Mennonite Brethren’ Campaign

October 28, 2020 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Mennonite Church Canada members across Manitoba are a little miffed at the provincial government for seemingly giving all their time and resources to restarting the Mennonite Brethrens. “If you ask me, […]

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Mannanite News Yet!

  • Canada Day Ruined as Stoned Singer Totally Butchers ‘Oh Canada’
    July 1, 2018
  • NBC Gives New ‘Friends’ Reboot a Mennonite Twist
    March 27, 2019
  • Church Approves Muting Pastor’s Mic at Upcoming Service
    October 22, 2020
  • All Steinbach Bars to Be Annexed By Neighbouring Municipality
    October 6, 2016
  • Long Lost Cousin Goes Up During Freiwilliges and Ruins the Whole Thing
    July 17, 2019
October 2020
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