10 Amazing Facts About Mennonites According to the 2021 Census

Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look!

Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and 302 chickens.

Average baptism age: 18 years and one month.

Average marriage age: 18 years and two months. 

Education level of Canadian Mennonites:

  • 18% Conrad Grebel University College
  • 16% high school
  • 12% Columbia Bible College
  • 9% Canadian Mennonite University
  • 7% Steinbach Bible College
  • 7% Menno Simons College
  • 5% Winkler Bible Institute
  • 3% Bethany College
  • the rest: PragerU

Largest population centre: Vanapag, MB

Smallest population centre: Neudyckfeld, SK

Ethnic makeup: diverse, but all are partial to Welch’s grape juice.

Top 5 most common languages spoken by Canadian Mennonites at home:

  1. English
  2. Mandarin
  3. Pennsylvania Dutch
  4. Vietnamese
  5. some strange blend of English and Plautdietsch with a sprinkling of High German on Sundays

Average Mennonite family size: 11.6 (falsely claimed as 9 to fit under pandemic restrictions)

Sex: yes (but we don’t talk about it)

Denominational affiliation:

  • 16% ones that pour
  • 14% ones that dunk
  • 2% ones that’ll let you choose
  • 10% ones that drive horse and buggy
  • 7% ones that drive cars but still make women wear dresses and cover their heads
  • 11% ones that have dropped the Mennonite label but not the theology
  • 13% ones that have dropped the Mennonite theology but not the label
  • 27% sketchy cults

Total Mennonite population: 233,112 plus 78,003 in the womb

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