Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look!
Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and 302 chickens.
Average baptism age: 18 years and one month.
Average marriage age: 18 years and two months.
Education level of Canadian Mennonites:
- 18% Conrad Grebel University College
- 16% high school
- 12% Columbia Bible College
- 9% Canadian Mennonite University
- 7% Steinbach Bible College
- 7% Menno Simons College
- 5% Winkler Bible Institute
- 3% Bethany College
- the rest: PragerU
Largest population centre: Vanapag, MB
Smallest population centre: Neudyckfeld, SK
Ethnic makeup: diverse, but all are partial to Welch’s grape juice.
Top 5 most common languages spoken by Canadian Mennonites at home:
- Pennsylvania Dutch
- some strange blend of English and Plautdietsch with a sprinkling of High German on Sundays
Average Mennonite family size: 11.6 (falsely claimed as 9 to fit under pandemic restrictions)
Sex: yes (but we don’t talk about it)
- 16% ones that pour
- 14% ones that dunk
- 2% ones that’ll let you choose
- 10% ones that drive horse and buggy
- 7% ones that drive cars but still make women wear dresses and cover their heads
- 11% ones that have dropped the Mennonite label but not the theology
- 13% ones that have dropped the Mennonite theology but not the label
- 27% sketchy cults
Total Mennonite population: 233,112 plus 78,003 in the womb